It’s 2 weeks on from starting my new “beauty regime”. I know you’re all waiting with bated breath to find out how it’s going, so I’ll tell: good. At first I was cynical about the power of the potions and thought that they’d not work, but I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong. Well not 100% wrong, it’s very rare that I am, some things have worked better than others but mostly things have made a difference. 

I know I’m not 30 yet and in terms of skin, my face doesn’t look like a wizened satsuma, so I wasn’t expecting to see or feel any change to it when using a night firming cream. Well I’ll be blown; it bloody well did tighten the skin on my face and neck up! I didn’t really feel any results for the first couple of days but then the magic started to happen. My skin is soft yet firm, like that of a peach or nectarine. Although I wouldn’t recommend trying to take a bite as I’m not sure you’re meant to ingest these unguents. The eye cream has definitely reduced the transparency of the skin under my eyes so you can’t see the deep blue of the veins underneath, so I don’t look like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Chris Brown any more. The exfoliating wipes have reduced the size of my pores significantly and make my skin feel refreshed after a long day. So all that has worked, now to the not so worked…

I had high hopes for the moisturiser with the hint of foundation. I was expecting it to be a subtle glow, however that wasn’t the case, I looked like Mr T. I may have put too much on or something because my skin had never looked so dark! My husband found this hilarious and kept checking to see if it had gotten darker, which worryingly it seemed to. To be honest, it did look like I’d been done up for some 1950’s minstrel show. Although that could be due to my skin being incredibly pale, some would say like alabaster, others like a corpse. Either way, I looked ridiculous. Plus it made my skin quite greasy so I bought a different moisturiser without colour or oil and now I’m much happier.

The lip plumping thing has worked in some regards and hasn’t in others. I bought another type that’s meant to be awesome and it worked amazingly well the first time I used it but now I don’t think it works any more. So I alternate between the 2 and cross my fingers it’s doing something. When I first tried out the second type I made the foolish mistake of putting it on shortly before going in the shower. I didn’t really think much of it until I started washing my face. I tried to be careful to not accidentally smudge it off my lips, which I thought I had done. But when the steam dissipated and the mirror became clear I quickly realised that I’d failed…miserably. My whole chin and around my nose and mouth was bright red, and sore! No amount of cooling cream reduced the redness; I still looked like I’d rubbed my face with nettles. As I was going out that night I had to use a fair bit of concealer and foundation to try and make me look less blotchy. It worked a bit but thankfully the bar had dim lighting so no one seemed to notice. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t work as well any more, my entire face being covered in it possibly reduced my skins reaction to it. That or I’ve killed all the nerve endings in my face. I’ll keep soldiering on with it though, I paid for the damn things so I’ll bloody well use them.

So there you go, my little pot of crazy is actually paying off. In 6 months time people will think it’s my 20th birthday rather than my 30th I’ll look so fresh faced. My husband does seem concerned I’m going to move on to cosmetic “procedures” if I carry on with this obsession of my mine, and I’ll admit that I have often wondered what I’d look like with a different nose…